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F***ing Facebook

Voted most confident on facebook my most of my friends.  Man things change when you're inside looking in as oppose to outside.  Looking back on everything, I don't think I've ever been confident my whole life.  In fact, almost every second of my life has been me looking over my shoulder, asking what if?, and generally dwelling on the past.  Unfortunately I don't think that quality is ever going to leave me.  Things seem so unfair and I do wonder if there is some sort of grand plan.   If there is I'm sure I'm in no way part of it.  I'm not even a little cog or gear, I think I'm just the air wheezing through the parts.  The only thing I do is rust stuff.  Don't do anything to help, just hinder the shit out of things.  
I really wonder if I was given the chance to go back in time and change something if I would do it.  Because if I did I would then spend the rest of my life like usual, wondering how things would be better if I hadn't.  Things will never be perfect, and I know that but some people seem to get pretty damn close to it.  Some people are able to make all the connections and make as many intimate connections as they please.  I wonder what the deal is with me?  I wonder if anybody reads this shit.

Bits and pieces

I feel better, bit by bit.  Just feel that things are clearing up, the smoke I kicked up is starting to settle.  I know that the only reason it's settling is because I've stopped kicking and screaming around.  I wonder why so many songs have to do with roads?  The Long Walk Home, The Long and Winding Road, Thunder Road, The Road I'm On.  Maybe because the road is sort of a nice symbol.  You can use it to get away from something if you feel you need to at the time, but then you always know the way you came.  You can turn around and head back.  I find that idea comforting.  



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November 2008


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